Road Trip USA 2011

 4th August. Now we have bought some breakfast material from store at “The Fishing Bridge” visitor centre in the park , it was painfully dear but it should last a few days means we don’t have to eat the shite we did yesterday -result!


 After feasting on cornflakes and plums we were off , we knew where we wanted to go it was a long way in the park and low and behold just after an hour, we hit our first traffic jam. Let me tell you this , every body and his close relatives come to Yellowstone in August , so don’t do it. Personally I would visit in June the weather’s not bad , wankers few, that alone would make it perfect. See now this raises a question. Do you have to be a complete c–t to drive a massive motor home or is there a lesser qualification? These great wallowing machines simply take up too much space on the narrow roads here, and its not helped when the pilot is a plonka.


 This park is a marvel, I’m glad the Americans run it on the whole. It is done for human beings to enjoy, although we did witness an asshole pulling a biker over for enjoying life, no wonder they shoot coppers in the USA, it’s righteous . Do you know I can’t remember where we’ve been but we have seen everything ( except yogi, that I’m pissed about but there is still a last chance tomorrow morning. (when we leave through the park)

 We’ve had bubbling mud , steam , the stink of a Zulus armpit (see my video) the devils arse hole, cows wearing phat suits, deer , rats (well I don’t know what they were) we even  thought  we saw an Elk, he was standing right on top of a mountain, in silhouette against the sky, magic! We didn’t get a photo though as we thought it was made of wood and put there by the rangers, cos it didn’t move all the while we looked at it.


I’ll tell you what though? I am impressed with these rangers, they must get up so early in a morning to put the cows into the Phat suits to make them look like buffalo, before the punters start driving round to look at them, dedicated people, I love em.

 We had a nice day again only 2 traffic jams, caused by buffalo sightings. We humans are fascinated by them, we even treat them with a form of religious reverence. I think that is a true and reasonable conclusion, considering our past relationship with them.150 years ago there were millions of them literally millions, they owned north America , evolving over thousands of years to suit perfectly, the massive changes in the seasons and of course as a side line, feeding and clothing the indigenous  populous.

 We White folks over a short period of less than 2 decades, shot the living shit out of them. We shot them for just their skins and left the rest to rot, we shot them ,just to shoot them ,even as passengers on steam trains, instead of reading a book, we shot them, it made us laugh, to watch such a majestic creature fall wounded ha ha ha. This in turn helped bugger the Indian. Take away his main food , clothing, and shelter source , and he went into sharp decline.

 Now, we get our prayer mats out and worship at it’s bovine feet.


 Trying to return to Shoshone lodge in the afternoon we got caught in total grid lock. We moved ten yards in 1/2 an hour, very little traffic was coming in the opposite direction, we got fed up, turned round to hatch a better plan. We left the line of traffic behind after another 1/2 mile and tried to get into a nearby restaurant, we could but no table was available until gone 9pm. Sod it , we would rejoin the traffic and eat the remains of today’s picnic. The queue of cars was moving a little quicker now sometimes as much as walking pace. In the near distance we could see in the failing light the cause of the hold up, 100s of Bison crossing the wide Yellowstone river at a place called the Nez Pierce ford. Well, ford, some of the real whoppers could , the little ones had to swim for it getting washed downstream aways for their efforts, they all made it though scrambling out giving a shake and ran off to gather in the herd again, a magic moment and a privilege we hardly minded the traffic now.


The Nez Pierce were an Indian tribe that were persecuted by the US army, they were chased hither and yon and gave the soldiers the slip many times but the harassment  continued. So much so the army were beginning to endure the wrath of the white civilians who wondered why it was necessary and why it was taking the well equipped soldiers so long anyway. It became a face saving operation for the generals and in the end they succeeded in the slaughter of the Nez pierce. I guess the resulting guilt has bought about stuff in this area being named after the tribe. The ford for instance and the chief Joseph highway, I am sure there are others but we haven’t visited them yet.


You will never guess what one of the park rangers told me today and why he though it was necessary I’ll never know, maybe he was feeling peevish for some personal reason, maybe his wife had run off with a Grizzly or something. He said “Yogi bear was only ever a cartoon character and that he had never existed in real life!” What kind of a sicko would say a thing so unpleasant and patently untrue? I had to walk away in utter disgust or I may have beaten some sense into him. I bet he said the same sort of thing to his kids about Top Cat, no wonder his wife left him.

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