Road Trip USA 2011

  8th August. What a smashing bed, a nice nights sleep, this is the best value room to date, even at 100 bucks per night. It’s not really that but after they charge for the compulsory extras that’s what it works out at , its a queer way to do business.

 Sue awoke in a foul mood, I hoped it was because she was starving hungry, we hadn’t eaten since the whopping lunch yesterday. To be honest she has been in a temper since the bikinied pirate show last night, I wonder if she’s become a Calvinist?

 

 We had a good breakfast though, we shared, it was plenty , we left the restaurant , full up, as opposed to bloated and needing to vomit like the ancient Romans did to make room for more.

 

 The mood hasn’t changed a great deal, can one be a fundamentalist Calvinist? Sue’s in the bathroom at the moment , I think she’s making a suicide vest , using my soiled underwear, she will kill anyone who gets within 1 metre. We are off to a garage now to get an oil and filter change for the jeep, to give it a bit of a treat, it deserves it. I will also see if the guys can measure Sue’s specific gravity whilst their at it, I think it is the same as battery acid at 1.2 SG!

 The oil thing was dead friendly and dead slick it cost 60 dollars and we had a top grade of oil, the guys said the jeep was in good shape, that was very reassuring . Thank you  “Jiffy lube”.

 

 Lunch was bought using a 2 for one coupon given to us at registration. All you can eat and a variety of cuisines 22 bucks, decent value at 2 for 1, otherwise a bit painful . Sue had a couple of slices of pizza I had one of everything on the sushi section. Before I could get my hands on the tongues to grab the items, I had to wait whilst a greedy bitch in front loaded up with about 100 dollars worth of stuff on her plate, where in heavens name is she going to put it all? I guessed her weight at about 120 pounds at the most! I did have 3 modest samples off the pudin counter though.

 

 We decided on a post prandial to the Aria hotel over 1 mile in the afternoon heat, we did duck in and out of the air-conditioned shopping centers though. These are so well done , absolutely sumptuous, the floor tiles in the Crystal shopping centre leading to the Aria and the place it’s self, are so précis I think they were laid by the guys that put the heat proof tiles on the space shuttle. We picked up the Elvis tickets, all very friendly and efficiently dealt with by the box office guy. There is an Elvis souvenir shop and it sells everything you need to be Elvis, one could buy even a beautiful white and blue suit with the wings and rhinestones, a mug or a simple cape, although wearing the clothing in Sainsburys would take massive balls. 

 

 We returned to TI walking on the other side of the street, no shade, we thought we could take it, it turns out we were wrong, and  did the ducking in and out thing again. Plenty of beggars  en route, one had a sense of humor though, his card board sign said ” marijuana money needed, any contributions gratefully received?”

 

 How do the fat bastards manage in this heat? They must be, reduced to a boiling blob on the pavement, looking like a massive wine gum that someone spat out. I’m slim and good looking and it hurts even me.

 The Jiffy guys by the way, said Sue was somewhere between vinegar and lemon juice, so I wasn’t to worry!

 

 Dinner was a heavy fine 100 bucks and we shared! For goodness sake! The waiter was a jolly fellow, probably a poof though, there are lots of them around. ( How do I know? This is worrying me now)

 

 

   After more grief with the wifi supply , we called a man out, 3rd time we’ve had agro. A nice man though so you couldn’t get cross with him and he fixed it in the end. The wifi service is part of the 22 dollars a day compulsory “resort tax”, so it should work! The grasping bastards.

 

 We did the Mirage volcano show tonight at 8 pm, It failed to blow my socks off. I enquired about some Celine Dion tickets , she has a show at the Coliseum Caesars Palace . For only 500 dollars a pair! For footset! I know Sue likes her but, I don’t need to listen to a horse faced , howlin bitch, thanks anyway.

 

 We are off to the Elvis show to morrow,I  thought he died in 1978, I’ve even seen his grave, the stuff they can do these days is amazing.

 

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