USA Road Trip 2011 Chapter 4

4)  28th August. was a nice start, low cloud a little intermittent rain, so not bollock boiling hot,nice and cuddly cozy warm. It’s ‘orrible when your underpants are all sweaty, especially when the ball hairs get stuck in the lacy bits. I am seriously thinking of quitting with these girly garments, I don’t know why she likes me to wear them? I will get some proper men’s  Y fronts from M&S when I get home.

We hit Sioux Falls around lunch time, where I ate a Jimi Hendrix Burger, I guess he came from South Dakota somewhere. The “Jimi” was accompanied by something described as “dirty fries on the side”, it was all good but enough for a man with more than one stomach. We checked out the falls , it is jolly impressive, I say “it” but it’s several with a massive volume of water and flowing right through the middle of the city. It looks like they  made a good preservation of it eventually , after giving it what for in the 19th and early 20th centuries using it to drive various bits of machinery, water wheels, a flour mill and stuff, they even had a hydroelectric power plant. However this fell into disuse when it couldn’t cope with the burgeoning town. It is all set with a park around it now, with the industrial buildings converted into something more attractive , a cafe, a souvejunk shop, a museum and a look out point.

We had a thrash round on a tour bus ‘ a trolley’ actually ( a trolley is best described as a utility 20 to 30 seater vehicle, less intimidating and organized than a coach and therefore better suited to hop on and hop off with wooden seats, a guide and it was free) and had a look round this small, aware town, sorry city. They are big into sculpture. The city organize an exhibition every year,called “Sioux City sculpture walk” of around 50 pieces, these are dotted about the city on the side walks, folk stroll past and give them the once over, at the end of the summer the citizens cast a vote for “the people’s favorite” then the council buy it and it goes on permanent display on one of the sidewalks, what a good idea! There are some wonderful, stunning pieces  on show, along with some that look like the artist was on some kind of stimulant but it wouldn’t be art without that now would it?.

The weather continued nice and warm , with a few dots of rain, the  goolies remained cool. Sioux Falls is a nice place to live methinks. We then visited a winery a few miles out of the city, called the “straw bale” they had a bit of a garden party with live music and all, it seemed to have promise  and I do like a bit of promise. In the USA  it often delivers more than expected. To a Brit anyway , we are bought up to be let down, so much so we are almost dissapointproof. Not this time though, it was all a bit average and slightly only slightly mind, poncey. The wine was fine though, even if a bit clunky price wise.

We  shacked up in the Sheraton, it’s ok clean and a bit bullshitty, not a patch on the ABV we stayed in last night when it comes to value for money. The crumby bastards even want to charge 11 bucks for the Internet. It’s free everywhere else, even in some of the lay-byes or rest areas as they call them. So Sheraton sucks!  They even charge 4 dollars for the bottle of complimentary, or so I thought, water  I’d discovered in the bathroom. How many people wear their specs in there? The price is written so small only an 8 year old could see it.

I imagine a board  meeting , where the members all  turn up dressed as their hero , Fagin! wringing their hands, “come to order my dears”

They have a wall of fame in reception, on it is Engelbert Humperdinck , Tom Jones and some others, my favorite was Colonel Oliver North, remember him? Personally I can only class him as an American hero. In 1987 he was up in front of an American congressional  committee of enquiry, He was accused of some dishonest dealings with Iran, over armaments/hostages then funding Nicaraguan rebels with the profits and spending $16,000 on a security system for his home. A more straight talking honest man you could not wish to examine. He did arrange an immunity from prosecution deal beforehand mind, thats maybe why he was so forthright. An utter contrast to any politicians interviewed ever by anyone for any reason. Yes I was glad Colonel Oliver North and his ilk are on “our side”. There is more about him on him on line.

The Sheraton breakfast could stop a truck, fabulous, it’s an extra though of course.

Iv’e just had a great idea! I will submit it to the next board meeting, they will never have thought of this. What you do is weigh the soap, when the guest (victim) checks out you weigh it again, a quick and simple piece of arithmetic and Bobs your uncle, another revenue source. Waahey!

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