A Bitter Golf!

We went for a game of par 3 golf yesterday as the weather was bright and sunny although only 50 degrees. They insist on that loopy farrenhite stuff and, don’t laugh, feet and inches! Titter titter I can’t help it.

It was lunch time so before we could “T” off we had to fuel up, we went to the local Caribbean Hut, my choice, I like a bit of ethnic food now and again. Notice I didn’t use the word darkie, that’s how far I’ve come since 1960. To be fair Sue wanted to go to the chinky but she is so nice she thought she would acquiesce. She isn’t keen on Caribbean food, we thought it was perhaps the place we ate at last time had stained her view, the slap dash and lackadaisical service was all a bit, well! Caribbean to be honest. They served the worlds best coconut cake though.

So we did the Hut, we were the only pale faces there but everyone was heap big friendly. The service was with a smile and whilst not prompt, certainly acceptable I started with a Guinness, I’m liking dark beers since leaving Ohio, Sue had a Budwazz of some kind.

I chose Curried Goat, Sue, Barbecued Chicken. Personally I am more wary of chicken after seeing that pink “doings” of chicken on Facebook the other day.
In the end Sue ate a bit but was put off by the sugary sauce they call barbecue over here, so she is now done with Caribbean food forever, although she was still a bit hungry. ( there into the metaphorical sunset sailed my trip to Montego Bay)

On the other hand the Goat was great, so nicely cooked it fell off the bone, the curry had quite a bite to it and set my lips ablaze but I am, to be honest, known to be a bit of a Nancy Boy with hot spices. Nevertheless it really got me wondering, how in the name of all that’s holy, does a Goat turn what it eats, Nettles, dock leaves, twigs , thorns, and people’s laundry into such a nice meat? In all my life I never saw David Nixon or Paul Daniels do anything remotely like it on Sunday night at the London Palladium. Amazing!

I fancy this as a Britains got talent gig. I go on with a goat , feed it a sweater a wife beater vest and maybe a sleeping bag, slaughter it, cook a bit of it, give it the judges and bingo! No wait, wait! Britains got Tallent meets The Mastercheif with the X Factor. I’m gonna be big! I need that Simon blokes phone number!

I’ll sort it out later.

The Golf was difficult , well it always is, this course though has loads of water, 5 of the holes has it from T box to green and one is an island, so don’t go thinking it’s a game of pitch and put. You have to prepare by bringing plenty of spare balls, not Calloways though, you don’t want to be loosing them, we make do with Titley ists usually.

Although it’s winter the course is still ok, the fairways ( that aren’t water) are Bermuda grass which is dormant and grey at this time of year, still nice and fluffy though. The greens are different to anything I have seen any where else, they have the texture of a prison blanket, army , I mean army, I don’t want anyone to think I’ve been in prison, anyway, anything under 6 months doesn’t count. The grass is a very dark green almost blue and whats more nice to putt on so I’m not knocking it. Sue lost a ball on the first hole, she didn’t deserve to, one of her best shots ever and we lost it in the shadows. We both did a 7 mind. I managed a 3 on the second. Followed by a ball in the water for Sue on the 3rd, and of course I put mine on the green and in for a 2. She is striking the ball so much better now, I sincerely believe she has made massive progress in this game.

Of course you have to measure women playing golf with a more lenient scale than men, we are so much better at it, by nature, it’s not our fault, it’s just the way Jesus wanted it that’s all, a simple fact. It’s in the bible somewhere.
It does even out though, women do have the edge on us blokes when it comes to other things, say, expelling a ping pong ball out of an orifice for example, we simply can’t compete, again fact! Are we bitter? Are we eckerslike, we are man enough to accept it.

With Golf though, a mans ball will fly truer, with more beauty, height, and accuracy, it’s not surprising either when you think about it. All that sticking out of the front stuff getting in the way of a tarts backswing. It’s why all lady pro golfers are lesbians, it stands to reason.

We managed to loose about 10 balls between us, yes even I, “the expected one” ( I like to be called the expected one, nobody does though) lost a couple, I also found 3, so that knocked 6 of my score, not just expected then? No! Also lucky. Ask anybody!

Ps, just to let you know, I’m not that bothered about the Montego Bay thing. A friend told me they dumped a ship load of rotting 1980s Austins there and they are proving to be as good for snorkelling as they were for motoring. Apart from that it’s full of dreadlocked gangsta rappers and people on the beach flogging shit made in China.

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